Justin Bieber 'Fever' Is Actually a Disease!
It's official! Bieber Fever is a real physical condition. Read on for its symptoms, and those of other such deadly diseases:
Are you one of those people who likes to point at Justin Bieber fans, or Beliebers, as they like to call themselves, and laugh? Well, stop, because it is rude to laugh at sick people. Bieber Fever is a serious condition. The shrill nasal "Baby baby ooooooh" song might make you want to plug your ears or destroy the radio, but it has been confirmed that Bieber's voice triggers off a physical reaction - no, not the reaction of wanting to gouge your eyes out of their sockets, but actual hormonal reactions. It secretes dopamine, the neurotransmitter involved in pleasure and addiction, providing the same rush as chocolate, and what gamblers get from winning. Before you dismiss this as something DT made up just to mess with your heads, we'd like to tell you that actual scientists sat in actual labs and came up with this analysis.
Neuroscientist Daniel Levitin deduced this grave condition and its symptoms through MRI scans in his lab at Montreal's McGill University. DT would like to take this research a step further in a world riddled with many other similar diseases. We bring to you the most peculiar and rabid of them all.
Symptoms: The major symptoms of victims, aka Twihards, include swooning over vampires and werewolves, making a fool of themselves online by uploading idiotic videos and hyperbolic tweets,getting entire bodies tattooed with Edward and Bella figures or 'hickeys', biting their lovers, and, in most extreme cases, biting strangers. All of the latter cases are true stories. Sigh, and all this time, we thought questionable taste in literature was their only problem. Tsk tsk.
The disease: "We don't know exactly how literature affects the brain, but we know that it does," said Maria Nikolajeva, a Cambridge University professor of literature ,at a press conference arranged in 2012 to study the affect of young adult novels on teenage brains. Long story short, neuroscientists assert that during teenage years, the brain's prefrontal cortex grows considerably, causing its powers of reasoning and risk assessment to go askew.And so, aforementioned teenagers go fall in love with violent creatures that may suck their blood dry or maul them and then eat them for dinner.
The viral 'song' fever
Symptoms: Can you love and hate something at the same time? Of course not, because that would be totally abnormal. But you can't help it! It's so bad that... it's good! If zombies attacked us through songs, Dhanush's "Kolaveri D" and Rebecca Black's "Friday" would certainly be their ultimate weapons.Our advice would be to run,run for your life, before you're brain dead. All it takes is listening to "Moon you/Moon you" or "Friday Friday" once. Soon you will be humming the lyrics and the tune will be stuck in your head forever. Because it has infected you.
The disease: Dhanush and Rebecca are the first sources of this virus planted via social networking websites, from where it fast grew and infected the populace. There is no cure, because such songs are also known as "earworms" and according to Neurologist Oliver Sacks, they "are a clear sign of" the overwhelming, and at times, helpless, sensitivity of our brains to music." It isn't their musical prowess or awesome lyrical profundity that makes you repeatedly click on the link. Any musician who keeps repeating the same tune over and over again can accomplish the same as they attack a part of your brain that is outside of our control.Scared? You should be.
50 Shades of Greyaria
Symptoms: The epidemic was first discovered when several parts of the world saw an increased sale of sex toys. Ever since then, it has been by characterized by throwing one's hardearned money on any of the books belonging to this trilogy and contributing to its becoming a 'literary phenomenon'.Everybody agrees that EL James can barely string two sentences together, then why are we encouraging her? THE DISEASE: Because you can't help it. As per the famous Dr OZ, the sex scenes, though they may not be Shakespearean prose, straight out attack your "libido" and "pelvic nerves", while incapacitating your grey cells at the same time. Last reported, EL James was worth $15million and her empire will continue to grow until someone finds a cure.
* Author: Kritika Kapoor
* News story courtesy TNN
* Image courtesy Reuters